Confessions

I hope in this blog I can be honest with my readers, whomever you may be, and show my raw uncensored feelings and emotions and life. Yes, I want this to be an outreach to other military wives, but also anyone that needs someone. You should never have to feel alone. So here it goes, confession number one, and I hope this doesn't change your mind about continuing to read my posts. I have struggled with depression for a long time. On December 4th, 2011, I tried to end my life. I then spent every day, all day for weeks going to a psychiatric hospital where I learned more than I ever thought I would. It wasn't the classes or the place, it was the people. They were all broken people, more broken than you can imagine, but I love them, I miss them, and they are beautiful. They changed my life. The most important thing I learned there is no matter how alone you feel, you're not. No one knows exactly how YOU feel, but they may know how they felt when they went through a similar situation. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I've thought a lot about counseling because I want to save people. A lot of the counselors I went to helped me, but a lot didn't. I want to be the kind that helps by listening and discussing and caring. Too many people these days only care about themselves and don't realize how they affect everyone around them, even the people they don't know. I want to make a difference, even just to one person. If I can make one person feel less alone through writing about my life here, my goal will be complete. I can be judgmental and cruel and mean and moody at times, and I still struggle with depression every single day, but I am genuine and honest and I like to believe I am a good person and I have a good heart. So that is that. If anyone is struggling and reading this, one thing that helped me and continues to help me is 2 Corintians 12. Maybe I'll talk more about the history of this verse later but in short it taught me it is okay to be weak and to show your weaknesses. so, without further ado, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.